Why I'm Content Living A Boring Life

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I don't live a very exciting life. And I'm okay with that. To some, my life might be considered 'boring', but I'm content with that idea. In fact, I'm more than content with...I'm happy about it. If there's one thing I've learnt from lockdown, it's that my life really wasn't much different pre-lockdown. In reality, not much has changed for me. 

One lesson that I've learnt in life is that leading an exciting life isn't the be all and end all. To some, and for me for quite some time, leading an exciting life meant going on nights out, spending your days in the company of others and living as though you're an extrovert. To others it may be racking up stamps on your passport or even parachuting out of an aeroplane. 

Excitement, at one point in time, was the driving force behind my everyday. I was constantly on the search for the next social event to go to, constantly wanting to be around people and then, something changed. Whether it's because I got bored or I got older, I don't know, but I now find myself in my early twenties wanting the cosiest life possible. 

Trading nights out for nights in front of the TV was the first change, even though I did experience some FOMO at first.

For about a year or so after this change, I would spend my time searching for the reason why I had suddenly changed my tune, why I had seemingly become a different person and why I no longer seemed to care for going out as much or seeing friends. For a long time, I simply put it down to social anxiety, but social anxiety had never stopped me from doing what I wanted in the past, so why now?

I  began to question who I was as a person, I put pen to paper and wrote countless poems to try and articulate how I felt, and eventually I got there. I was exhausted. Exhausted of putting on a front for other people. For a couple of years, my life had been none stop. It had been one wave of anxiety after another. Drifting from job to job, finding friends and experiencing all life had to offer. It all caught up with me. As I mentioned in my 'The Problems With Masking' blog post, having Autism had led me to mask some of my traits to appear the same as everyone else and there's only so long you can mask before it all starts to take its toll.

Now I'm not saying it was exclusively me having Autism that led to this change, no, I think by in large I was fed up of all the complexities that came along with regular socialising. I simply no longer cared for getting caught up in these complexities and while I know this was bound to change anyway as I grew older, I simply had to stop being 'exciting' for the sake of my mental health. 

It's taken years to get to the level of understanding I am at today and to this level of self-acceptance . And while my life may be boring to some, it's ideal for me as the less time I have to spend masking, the better it is for my mental health in the long run.

I know I don't have to justify myself to anyone, and I suppose this post is kinda me justifying myself and the way I choose to live my life, but oh well I guess it makes for good reading. 

Nowadays, the exciting parts of my life include reaching the season finale of a TV show, or reading a really good article in a magazine, one that makes me think, and I don't think I'll be trading that up for pretending I'm an extrovert again anytime soon. Maybe one day, but for now, it's back to rewatching Angel and reading the latest edition of Cosmopolitan.

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