Directionless

10:00

Lockdown is affecting everyone differently, but for me it's starting to make me reconsider everything. For the past few years I've been on a set path, with certain goals and hopes and dreams in mind that I want to achieve. These past few months however, are making me reconsider everything. While everything's been put on hold so to speak, I've had a considerable amount of time to ponder my life's direction and you know when you think and you think some more and it becomes overthinking? Well, that's whats happened with me. I'm now overthinking everything.

Do I really want to become a writer? Do I really want to work in an office doing social media stuff? Do I really want to return to education for the next few years to get me to where I want to be? 

Without all these goals in mind, I feel directionless. As though I'm a kite without a string drifting off into the distance. Who am I without my hopes and dreams for the future? I suddenly find myself wanting to explore other avenues of creativity, not just prose and poetry. I suddenly find myself feeling as though I'm rediscovering myself once again. 

Part of me wants to give up blogging and just focus on having a creative Instagram instead, but I've been blogging so long I don't know where I'd be without it. 

Another part of me wants to release a poetry book or a collection of short stories, but that takes so much work that I'm not sure I'm willing to put in. 

Then a different part of me wants to start working on painting and drawing again, while another part of me is really interested in psychology (for some reason) and wants to learn more about that.

I feel as though I've got so many ideas, but the world is going to go back to normal at some point so I don't know how long I've got left to explore these ideas before reality starts calling me.

There's a certain sense of freedom though that comes along with being directionless. I feel as though I'm back to the drawing board once again with who I want to be and these ideas could take me anywhere. Chances are though, I'll probably still be blogging for the foreseeable future,  it's just a case of working a way of incorporating all these new interests into my life. 

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1 comments

  1. There's freedom with being directionless as you get to explore every and any avenue you desire, but it also has the ability to take you into a tailspin. Hope you have a fabulous June beauty!

    Tx. // Tajinder Kaur

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